The doctor asked yesterday if I might be tired because I was depressed. I said I didn't think so, because I wasn't actually unhappy or having problems making decisions or doing any of the other irrational things I did when I was depressed. I know what depression feels like, and that wasn't it. I think if the exhaustion had carried on much longer I might have slumped further into depression, though. I was certainly beginning to accumulate a feeling of being overwhelmed.

As I mentioned earlier, I am feeling a lot better with the medication for my ulcer. I do not feel entirely mended, but there is a sense of wonder at exactly how crappy I really felt even just yesterday.

I still find myself occasionally mithering on, I think more out of habit as anything else. It has been so long since I felt really good that the mannerisms of illness are now ingrained behaviours. I am still tired, but it is now the tiredness of recovery rather than deterioration so I really don't need to lean against the wall like a badly stacked set of brushes, it is no longer a requirement that I breathe a heavy sigh at the mere thought of returning to my desk.

Good riddance to them.

Posted by Dunx at February 3, 2005 01:11 PM